WARNING: THIS POST MAY (will) CONTAIN INTENSE FANGIRLING. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Everybody has at least one fictional person who they are completely and embarrassingly in love with.
Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say.
I was just in New York City for a week doing a Broadway workshop that culminated in an Off-Broadway showcase which was SO MUCH FUN. My family and I went to see Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 which is a musical based off of a small chunk of War and Peace. It was absolutely gorgeous, guys, and guess who was Pierre? That’s right. Freakin’ Okieriete Onaodowan─more commonly referred to as simply Oak─the guy who played Hercules Mulligan in the original cast of Hamilton.* IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I GOT HIS SIGNATURE AND I CRIED.
*Hamilton the musical is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. If you haven’t listened to it, then stop reading this right now and go do it. I could quote that musical til the cows come home.
That’s why I haven’t given you all the promised post about one of my WIP─The Institute of the Touched─characters, but never fear. I am here now, and you are too, and so now you are forced to sit there and read this. MWAHAHAHA.
I asked you all which of the six MCs you would most like to hear from and the overwhelming consensus seemed to be Bazil Farrin. So today I’m going to ask Bazil a series of questions and he will answer them to the best of his abilities. I’ll be in bold like this and Bazil will be in italics, like this. Ya’ll ready? Here we go!
Hello, Bazil! Thanks for coming.
Good afternoon, Eden.
Could you tell us a bit about yourself?
Oh. Um. Yes. I’m eighteen years old. I live a few blocks away from where I work in Akkerdam, Chaxholm─I work at Farrin Books. My uncle Marcus owns it. Um…
Do you live alone, or with anyone?
Oh, I live alone. *laughs self-consciously* My parents… died… so… but. I’m engaged.
Engaged? Well, how… how exciting. Aren’t you a bit young for all that, though?
Sophie says no. Sophie Markham. She’s my fiance, you see, and she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and also always right. That’s what she tells me, anyway.
I see… moving on, Bazil. Do you like your job?
Yes, I love it! I get to sit in silence surrounded by books all day… I take care of Uncle Marcus’s finances and also, once a week, read aloud to the local children for an hour or so, just to give us all something to do on our slow day. Claudia always picks the book, because it makes me too nervous when I do it. I want them to love it, not be bored. She’s very good at choosing. Honestly, I can’t imagine a better job then the one that I have now.
I’m pretty sure that that’s the most I’ve ever heard you speak, and I created you.
Never mind. That sounds lovely. Now for some general things. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
Pink or purple?
Up or down?
So sorry, but why does this…?
Did you have a happy childhood?
I… I would say that I did. My father died before I was born but my mother didn’t die until I was four years old, and so I do remember a very few things about her. I remember that she would take me on walks around Lower Chaxholm and sometimes even Upper Chaxholm, where we would look at all of the enormous, colorful houses where the wealthier merchants and the Queen’s Court lives. There was a pond there, I remember, and she would let me feed the ducks… Then, after she… passed away… and I moved in with Uncle Marcus, things were still good. He’s the one who taught me to read, and he let me have free reign of the shop at a very early age. I have pleasant memories of my childhood.
What is your biggest fear?
My biggest fear, I think, is speaking. Words. With my voice. Specifically to beings that are homo sapiens that have eyes and mouths that speak rude things back. Not all homo sapiens, I suppose. I actually quite like the people that I work with ─and Uncle Marcus of course─they’re sort of like… like a family I never had. Nona’s my little sister, Hali, my brother, and Claudia is mother to all of us…
Have you ever wished to be Touched─to have magical powers?
…yes. I─there’s something so special about it, isn’t there, even if half of the people I know are Touched. It’s like they have something extra, some extra power or… or electricity to them that’s uncontainable. It’s beautiful. So, to answer your question, yes. Yes, I have.
Well, you’re in luck, then. Sort of. Not completely, but a little bit, if you know what I mean.
So sorry, Eden, but I have absolutely no idea what you mean.
I… oh. Ok.
Well, that concludes out interview for today! Thanks a lot, Bazil! Don’t be freaked out if your whole life is turned upside down!
Yes, um. I won’t. Goodbye.
So that was Bazil Farrin, my lovelies! In a few days I’ll be interviewing Anuska, so… Read on!
I’m back! And I’m on time! What sorcery is this? Even I don’t know.
It is time for Rip it or Ship it part the second, everybody, so let’s get cracking!
But before we do, some things to clarify for the people that I tagged yesterday and whoever else might end up doing this same thing:
- You do not have to use the same characters that I used. It’s totally up to you! Even though these characters are all A+, I’ll forgive you.
- Make sure you link your post back to me, pretty please with sugar on top!
- And don’t forget to tag people at the end of yours! (That was self-explanatory, I’m aware. Just shut you cakehole, I’m tired.)
Rip it or Ship it Part Two!
#1: Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle and Sophie Hatter from Howl’s Moving Castle. Apparently the Gods of Rip it of Ship it have chosen to smile down upon me on this day, for they have blessed me once again with an actual ship. HAHA. And it’s a cute one, to boot! Howl and Sophie are adorable together. Ship name: Sowl…? Huh. Oh well. I still ship it. Howl could I not?*
*Look ma, I’m funny
#2: Inej Ghaffa from Six of Crows and Thorn from The Lunar Chronicles. Oh ABSOLUTELY NOT GOOD SIR. Can you imagine this? Inej is so hardcore and serious and doesn’t take anyone’s crap, and is generally just an amazing, scary woman, and THORN. I love Thorn, don’t get me wrong, but he’s a HUGE baby, and Inej would definitely be driven to homicide. That would be then end of Captain Carswell Thorn. Ship name: Thinej? Inorn? This ship is RIPPED.
#3: Cress from The Lunar Chronicles and Jem Carstairs from The Infernal Devices. AW MY BABY JEM AND MY BABY CRESS TOGETHER YES SHIP SHIP SHIP SHIP SHIP. I don’t think you understand how CUTE this would be. They are both such smol cinnamon rolls, and just think how your heart would melt into a little puddle of goo whenever you saw them together. Yes, by the Angel, I ship this! Ship name: Jess─woah, that’s a little too close to Jessa for comfort isn’t it? Oh well, because I’m not going to find a new one because #lazy.
#4: Wolf from The Lunar Chronicles and Jacin from The Lunar Chronicles. NOPE. They’d shred each other. Literally. Rip. (And they might all be from The Lunar Chronicles now because I am a terrible mixer/shuffler person.) Ship name: Jolf. No thank you, my friend.
#5: Cinder from The Lunar Chronicles and Harry Potter from Harry Potter. Holy COW no. Cinder, girl, you’re way better than that. Aim higher. Shoot for the stars! (I’m so full of puns today, I’m ashamed.) Ship name: Hinder. As in, a hinderance to the world. RIPPED.
#6: Kai from The Lunar Chronicles and Ron Weasley from Harry Potter. I’m not really sure how I feel about this, but I think since I’m so impartial that I’m going to rip it. Ron would be no good at Co-Emperoring* New Bejing, anyway. Ship name: Rai. This ship is ripped!
*Yas new word
#7: Scarlet from The Lunar Chronicles and Simon Lewis from The Mortal Instruments. Scarlet is legitimately one of my favorite heroines. She’s smart, sassy, kind, and actually reminds me quite a bit of Isabelle Lightwood, minus the fashion sense. And Simon is, of course, my adorable little vampire child that I love. I actually think that I ship this! Ship name: Scimon. YES. IT’S SHIPPED.
#8: Luke from The Mortal Instruments and Professor Mcgonagall from Harry Potter. I’M LAUGHING LIKE A CRAZY WOMEN RIGHT NOW. Oh my goodness this is so hilarious to me. He’d be like, “I bit Clary and now she’s a werewolf, Minerva,” and she’d say something iconic like, “Have a biscuit, Garroway.” YES. THIS IS BEAUTY. Against ALL of my better judgement… I think I ship this. Oh my dear gosh. Ship name: Lukonagall. Oh my gosh. Queen Morgenstern and Lukonagall are my new OTPs and nothing can stop us from achieving fame and fortune and taking over the world. YES.
#9: Fred Weasley from Harry Potter and George Weasley from Harry Potter. JHHGUANVIOIEJFINDJIWPOQLSKNDLJBUEORPURHVJBFJDBOURPEOUHVJC8IHPDHVFHIGQOPWEIHICVIAFGIIAIEORNOOOONONNONONONONOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I DON’T EVEN HAVE A GIF TO EXPRESS MY DISTRESS AND DISGUST AND HOW HORRIFIED I AM AND JUST NO. I SWEAR THIS ISN’T THAT KIND OF BLOG.
#10: Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter and Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows. NO KAZ MY DARLING I MUST SAVE YOU FROM THIS FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. COME INTO THE SHELTERING EMBRACE OF MY ARMS AND BE SAFE NOW MY BABY CHILD. Ship name: Kazumbridge. THIS SHIP IS RIPPED.
And finally, the Rip it or Ship it adventure has come to an end.
This was both extremely horrifying and extremely amusing
and I’m really looking forward to what
everyone else comes up with!
Read on, lovelies!
Ok, everyone, here it is! The promised weird post! I have decided to try my hand at the Rip it or Ship it Booktag, which to my understanding was created by the booktuber Emmabooks. I ended up writing down way too many names, so this little venture will be undergone in two parts. I’M SO EXCITED.
So basically I’ve written down a whole bunch of characters from some of my favorite books on slips of paper and stuck them in a bowl. (It’s a huge yellow bowl that belongs to my grandmother and it’s so pretty and it reminds me of the sun and someone tell me to stop talking RIGHT NOW.) I’ll mix it up, draw two of them, and then decide whether I rip them or ship them. The couples will be judged on:
- Compatibility. Would they love each other? Hate each other? Be adorable? Kill each other at first glance? It’s up to me.*
- Ship Name. Ok so I know this is trivial but… But I am Evil Queen and my word overrules all. So HA. If they have a gross, hard to say, or non Eden-Approved ship name then I will rip that couple faster than you can say Wessa. Or Jessa. Whichever one you ship.**
*Cue evil laughter.
**That one was for all you The Infernal Devices fans out there. And don’t worry. I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE TO SHIP EITHER. I still haven’t even finished Clockwork Prince…
Are you ready? Fasten your seatbelts lovelies, for now it is time for…
Rip it or Ship it Part One!
#1: Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter and Winter Blackburn-Hayle from The Lunar Chronicles. RIP IT OH MY GOSH. PLEASE. Right off the bat this is one of the worst possible pairings that I could have drawn. Winter is so kind and sweet and gentle and Lord Voldermort is… Well… Well he’s the Dark Lord for goodness sakes! And what would their ship name even be? Lord Winter Bort? This ship is SOOOO ripped. Poor Winter.
#2: Sebastian Morgenstern from The Mortal Instruments and Dr. John Watson from the Sherlock Holmes stories. No. No. Nononononononononononono. Never in a million years could I EVER see this working. Not only is Watson like twenty years older than Sebastian, but Sebastian is a little rat. And Sebastian would probably slit Watson’s throat in the night. And the ship name… Sebastjohn? Gah! This ship is ripped!
#3: Clarissa Fray from the Mortal Instruments and Lucy Carlyle from Lockwood and Co. First of all, Lucy is strong and independent and kind of impatient and judgy and I think that she would become annoyed by Clary VERY quickly and like feed her to a ghost or something. If that’s possible. And Clary… She’s just so into Jace that I can’t even begin to see her with someone else. And the ship name would be Clucy. So this ship is RIPPED.
#4: Tessa Gray from the Infernal Devices and Jace from the Mortal Instruments. I AM LITERALLY SITTING HERE IN MY BED SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW. THIS IS SO WRONG. AND I CAN’T EVEN REVEAL WHY IT’S WRONG BECAUSE OF SPOILERS, THE SAME WAY THAT IT WAS SPOILED FOR ME. SO MOVE ALONG CHILDREN. AND THE SHIP NAME─JUST NO. NOTHING HERE TO SEE. THIS SHIP IS RIPPED HARDER THAN ANYTHING HAS EVER BEEN RIPPED BEFORE.
#5: Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes from the Sherlock Holmes stories. Draclock? Sheraco? Am I ever going to ship anything? Maybe not. This ship is ripped!
#6: Valentine Morgenstern from The Mortal Instruments and Queen Levana from the Lunar Chronicles. So Valentine is, as we all know, an evil jerk who delights in tormenting his own children and the children of others in horrifying ways. Queen Levana is an evil jerk who delights… Wait. Hold the phone. Do I… Do I ship this? I THINK I DO! Just imagine it, lovelies! They would lurk up on Luna or in some creepy basement and make evil plans together while they hated on their young relatives and they’d be so happy! And the ship name would be Queen Morgenstern which is simply amazing. Ok this might be my new OTP. #QUEENMORGENSTERN #OTP.
#7: Severus Snape from Harry Potter and Isabelle Lightwood from The Mortal Instruments. If you held me down and threatened me with a trillion screaming chimpanzees you still couldn’t get me to ship this. Isabelle is fabulous and beautiful and YOUNG, while Snape here, while being tragic and heroic which are good things, is QUITE a bit too old for her. And the ship name would be something ghastly like Snapabelle, so this is extremely ripped.
#8: Mr. Darcy form Pride and Prejudice and Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. I actually think this would work! Hermione is very similar to Elizabeth Bennet in that she’s intelligent, well read, emotional, practical, and stubborn─and we all know Darcy likes that. And I think Hermione would appreciate his reticence and quiet tenderness─plus they could be snobs to people together and just be generally adorable. So while I enjoy who they end up with in real life more, I think I could get behind this ship. Ship name though… Darcione─Hermarcy─Mr. Granger─gah. None of these are too good. I’ll let it go though, I suppose, in honor of the cuteness. I ship it!
#9: Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice and Will Herondale from The Infernal Devices. My automatic instinct is to rip this because Will isn’t allowed to be shipped with anyone that isn’t me, but the more I think about it. Grr. I’m very annoyed because I actually think this might work. Elizabeth and Tessa remind me of each other, and we all know that Will loves him some Tessa. And Will and Elizabeth could just sit there and geek out about books with each other until the cows come home, and OH MY GOSH YES I SHIP IT NOW. Ship name: Elizawill. If he can’t be mine, then I suppose the next best thing would be Lizzie Bennet.
#10: And last but certainly not least, Magnus Bane from The Mortal Instruments and Alec Lightwood from The Mortal Instruments. THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY MY ACTUAL OTP YA’LL. Need I say more? Malec for the win!
So that’s all for part 1, lovelies!
I’ll post part 2 tomorrow─barring all major
catastrophes. Comment below if you agree or
disagree with my ships!
Hello my favorites! I’m back! Or… mostly. I’m currently on a 9+ hour long drive back from North Carolina where I have spent the last week doing nothing and I’m on my way to a bookstore* but we won’t reach it for another 3 hours SO. I have decided to give you the post that I forgot to post before I left because #lazy.
One day I was extremely bored. (Why didn’t I just read? Have you met me? I am the least productive person I know.) So instead of doing useful things I…
Reorganized my bookshelves!
I do do this about once every blue moon, but I decided that this time I’d give a tour.**
*Be quiet. Of course I need more. Use your brain, please.
**Now you have to LISTEN TO ME SCREAM AT YOU IN ALL CAPS FOR ETERNITY! MWAHAHAHAHA!!
I did a thing and went ahead and organized them by color instead of author or title or shape or size or thickness or the number of unicorns on the cover and I CAN’T STOP LOOKING. IT’S SO PRETTY. I feel like Gollum. I just lay on my bed and stroke them and whisper “my precioussssss” in a voice that sounds like I’ve been smoking for over fifty years. I have four bookshelves in my room (not enough, I know. Blasphemy.) and one of them has all double parked rows of just black and white books that I didn’t include pictures of because I was in the mood for beautiful, colorful rainbow things. Sorry.*
*Still actually not.
And of course I have to include the lonely little purple section. Isn’t it a travesty how few purple books there are? Purple is a beautiful color. Valeka the dragon is purple. So is Sherlock’s shirt. I’m going to start a petition for more purple books. WHO’S WITH ME?
Speaking of Sherlock… he looks so lonely. He needs John. Or me. Fine, yes, he can just have me.*
*What a catch. (Cue hysterical laughter.)
And last but not least, my adorable little Slytherin friend posing in front of the beautiful baby blue section. (Please no hating on my for my love of Snape. I AM YOUNG AND INNOCENT.)
Well that’s it, lovelies. Sorry for the shortness of this post, but I promise the next one will be longer–and stranger. Much stranger. Are you prepared? MWAHAHAHAHA.
Sign off-less Eden.
First off, let me apologize for being a terrible blogger and leaving you all with no me time for… what was it… two weeks? (I seem to do that a lot, don’t I?) And here I am, about to take another week-long hiatus as I go to the beach. I know, I know, how can I live with myself, indulging when all my desperate fans are out there clamoring for more? I suppose, as Evil Queen, I must do SOMETHING to retain my status… Anyway, I won’t be back to post until the 24th, so find something to keep yourselves occupied until then. Like this!
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time a young girl was wandering her kindle store because she doesn’t have a drivers license and couldn’t get herself to a real bookstore with real books and her next book on her TBR was taking FOREVER to ship and she was DESPERATE. And as she was wandering this virtual haven, she stumbled upon (for about the billionth time) Cassandra Clare’s The Mortal Instruments series. Now. This girl had, in the past, been wary about these books simply because she was/is a major book snob and didn’t/doesn’t like the covers but as I mentioned before, she was DESPERATE, and so she bought City of Bones, the first in the series.
And OH MY GOODNESS.
As you’ve probably figured out (because you all are smart lovelies, and you have good brains) I am the girl. And I was so completely, totally, and overwhelmingly wrong that there aren’t enough strong words to describe my wrongness. Even though I still think the covers are kind of cheesy and maybe a little trashy, we should all remember that age old adage, DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER.
The Mortal Instruments City of Bones
Author: Cassandra Clare
Genre: Young adult fiction/fantasy
Heat Level: Here’s the thing. There are a few real nice kisses which, in and of themselves aren’t bad at all, BUT. *spoiler alert* It turns out that two of the kissers are siblings, which is devestating because I really, really ship them. Now, I am not known for being a particularly compliant person so I sort of absolutely refuse to believe that they’re actually related (I mean come on; why would Cassandra Clare work so hard to give them such good romantic tension just to resolve it with incest? Please.) because multiple people on multiple occasions have remarked upon how little they look like each other AND in book two there’s that whole Seelie Court scene… Anyway. If the reality that you will no doubt ship incest is too much for you to handle, then this series isn’t for you.
Violence (on a scale of 0-5): I’d give this book a solid three. There are some demon slaughters that take place but since demons don’t bleed actual blood and sort of just thrash around until they disappear into black cloud puffs, it isn’t that bad. There’s some human blood, too, but it isn’t as gory as some things I’ve read. Certainly nowhere near Six of Crows.
Language: Since I am a Bad Blogger I finished this book a few days ago and have actually read the second and 3/4 of the third since then─I can’t exactly remember which scenes go with which book, but overall, the language was mild. A few colorful phrases here and there, but nothing too shocking.
Age Range: 13 years old and up.
Clary Fray believes that she is simply an ordinary New York City teenager residing in an apartment with her artsy single mom, hanging out with her bookish best friend, Simon, and drawing whenever she can. That is, until her mother disappears and Clary witnesses a murder committed by three tattooed teenagers* while out with Simon─a murder that no one else can see. Things only spiral from there when she learns that what she saw wasn’t a murder but was in fact a group of Shadowhunters killing a demon─a race blessed with the blood of the angel Raziel charged with ridding the world of said demons─by the names of Jace Wayland, Alec, and Isabelle Lightwood… and she absolutely should NOT be able to see them. How on earth did Clary─an ordinary mundane just like her mother─develop the Sight so suddenly? The Shadowhunters would most definitely like to know.
Overall, I really, really enjoyed this book, although I wonder if I would have enjoyed it just a tad less had I not gone into it with such low expectations… I’ll go ahead and start with the things that frustrated me.
- I’m going to say it right now; if any of you are die-hard Clary Fray fans, please know that I am in no way aiming to offend you. This is simply my own opinion, and it wasn’t even enough of a problem to take away from my enjoyment of the book. I still think Cassandra Clare is a brilliant author, I’m just trying for honesty here. That being said… Clary sort of got on my nerves. I mean, I understand her ignorance, as she has grown up with absolutely no idea that she was a Shadowhunter, but she still seemed to make some SPECTACULARLY stupid decisions. And maybe I’m being overly picky; maybe she’ll get better as the series progresses. I’ll just have to wait and see.
- Jace, too, got on my nerves. It’s just a bit difficult to see his appeal. (Other than his extreme physical attributes, of course.) All of these people are supposed to be in love with him─I mean, we all know Alec can do better than that─but, to me at least, he just seems kinda like a giant jerk. Again, it’s probable─possibly even likely─that he gets better in later books. I didn’t HATE him, either. I just… wasn’t attracted to him.
- Throughout the book there were these ginormous, ten-page-long information dumps that literally had me beating my KINDLE OFF OF MY HEAD. Or at least wanting to. I understand the need for background information but I thought that it could have been given more sporadically and with less plot-stopping length.
Aside from those things, though, I quite enjoyed this book (and have been enjoying the rest of the series so far) especially the remaining characters.
- Simon: Simon is my little geeky dorky nerdy baby. It took me approximately two pages to fall in love with him, and he delivered some of the sassiest one-liners. (“Jesus!” Luke exclaimed.
“Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.” THAT SASS.) And even though I find his obsessive puppy love of Clary the tiniest bit annoying, I still think he’s sweet.
- Malec: I HAVE FOUND MY NEW OTP GUYS. There isn’t much Malec─Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood’s ship name─in this first book, but what little bit there was, I was EATING IT UP. THEY ARE ADORABLE.
- Magnus Bane: Magnus by himself is almost as perfect as Malec. Magnus Bane is a warlock─the High Warlock of Brooklyn, to be exact─who is somewhere around 400 years old and freaking FABULOUS. He styles his long, fabulous black hair with glitter gel, and he has fabulous CAT EYES, and basically his favorite color is glitter. And he throws parties for his cat, Chairman Meow, that I fully support. This guy is basically a unicorn personified, and he’s my spirit animal.
- Luke: I would just like to congratulate Cassandra Clare for including a parental figure in her YA series that isn’t a complete and total idiot like so many others. *slow hand claps all around* Not only isn’t Luke an idiot, but he also isn’t a terrible person, or nonexistent, and I actually enjoyed him quite a lot. Can I get an amen?
- Alec and Izzy Lightwood: We didn’t get as much of the Lightwood siblings as I would have liked in City of Bones, but what we did see, I loved. Izzy was an inspiration; fierce, intelligent, beautiful, and not afraid to go out and take what she wants. We didn’t get much Sizzy, either─Simon and Izzy─but I sensed something there… And as for Alec─well. He was a study in emotions, I thought, and one of the more interesting characters. Very clearly in love with Jace, and yet just as clearly resentful of that love; he holds a grudge against Clary and yet still he helps her on her various ventures and missions. And then he meets Magnus…
All in all, I enjoyed City of Bones, and am properly ashamed that I judged it so harshly. So go out and read it to make up for my failure as a human being. Here’s a link to Cassandra Clare’s website that says in what order all of her books should be read, as the various series all interconnect. I hope it helps! Now scoot!
Read on, lovelies!
So, I finished this book a day ago but since I a) have zero time and, b) was* emotionally unstable, I put it off until today. Even so, this post will probably consist more of me randomly babbling than any actual useful information. Sorry.**
Author: Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Young adult/fantasy/fiction
Heat Level: So the romances were more developed in this book than in Six of Crows─as one would expect, being a sequel and all─but they still were most definitely not the center of the story line. All in all, I’d say it has about the same amount as Six of Crows (which I reviewed here).
Violence (on a scale of 0-5): Five. Just as unnecessarily graphic as SoC, although not more so. The graphicness─yes, you grammar person in the back, I’m aware that that’s not a word─of this duology─that is a word, I looked it up, so HA─is absolutely the only complaint that I have. Everything else is just so wonderfully subtle and gorgeous and perfect and… but this paragraph is about violence, so I should shut up now. In case you couldn’t make head nor tales of that, these books are a bit too descriptive in their gory details for my taste, so if that bothers you, this isn’t the duology for you.
Language: I mean… well… they’re street thieves and thugs, right? So they’re allowed to have dirty mouths, right? RIGHT? Dear gosh, I feel like an over doting mother making excuses for her heathen children that she thinks are little angel babies. My angel babies need a good washing out of their mouths with a bar of soap à la A Christmas Story, ok? Don’t judge.
“But Eden,” you ask, sounding really annoyed/angry/DONE WITH ME, “why are you sobbing in a corner? You haven’t explained that very well.”
First of all, you should know by now that I don’t explain things very well. Second of all, I am sobbing in a corner because it wAS SO SAD. ONE OF THEM DIES. Of course I can’t tell you which one dies because I took an oath not to reveal any spoilers on my blog*, but suffice it to say that it was one of the saddest things that has ever happened to me in the history of my reading life (although definitely not THE saddest. I will never forget Lupin and Tonks) and I might need intensive therapy to get over it. Seriously. Ask my family. I just wandered around the house clutching The Raven Boys─the next thing on my TBR─and sighing mellowdramatically, too afraid to start it for the fear that it might be devastating, too.**
*No I didn’t. I lie too much.
**I still haven’t started it. I’m reading V.E. Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic right now, and it’s fabulous.
But even though Crooked Kingdom caused me immense emotional and mental trauma, it, along with SoC, is still on my best books of 2017 list.* You know that feeling when you read a sequel and it’s just… just… meh? Like maybe it’s a gazillion times thicker than it’s predecessor, or it just rehashes the same themes as book #1, or, for some reason, the characters that you originally loved now are the most annoying/infuriating/just not fun people in the bookaverse** and you inexplicably start rooting for the antagonist? Well, I am proud to say that not a single one of those things happened in CK. The six main character’s backstories were delved even deeper into, and I was happy to see the addition of Wylan’s voice to the narration. Kaz is still my beautiful little messed up sort of scary angel baby, Inej is still too pure for this world, and GUESS WHAT. THERE WERE NO STUPID LOVE TRIANGLES AND ALL OF MY SHIPS SAILED. Do you have any idea how absolutely and completely and incandescently OVERJOYED this makes me?
*That list doesn’t really exist except for in my mind, but if it did, I think I would rename it Best Books That I Have Read In 2017, ‘cuz CK was published in 2016. Just so you know.
**Made that word up too.
I was so so SO SO SO SO SO happy with how all of the relationships turned out; each of them were explored to the extent that it seemed right for those characters feelings to be explored, and there wasn’t anything… uncomfortable, if you know what I mean.
“I would have come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”
Yes, Kaz said that. And yes, I had to put down my book and take deep breaths and stare into the middle distance until I calmed down.
I don’t need your pity.
“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?”
“Guns?” asked Jesper.
“Ships?” queried Inej.
“Bombs?” suggested Wylan.
“Political bribes?” offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. “This is where you tell us how awful we are,” she whispered.”
The dialogue in this book was just so funny. Maybe I didn’t notice it in SoC, but I think that the humor was really expanded on in CK, and it provided a nice distraction for all the not-so-nice things going on. Also, did anyone else notice the Hamilton referance in that last quote, because I sure did and I freaked out.
Well, I think it’s safe to say that this post has completely derailed. I’d like to thank you all for sitting here and listeneing to me. Maybe now I won’t need as much therapy.*
Read on, lovelies!
Eden (because I currently lack a signoff and I have 0 skill with technology)